In The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman, he has a fondness and admiration questionnaire and boy was it an eye opener for me on how bad things are in my marriage. I scored below 10 on my answers by a lot. Some of the true or false questions are: my partner really respects me, I am really proud of my partner, my partner finds me sexy and attractive. In a previous chapter I identified so much with Dara and Oliver over cleaning the house (page 37). My husband is one of those who cannot see a mess and think “I should clean that” as it does not bother him. (He ate cookies that fell on the dirty floor the other day!) This leaves all of the cleaning so I end up feeling like a maid or his mother. Then I do not feel wifey or loving because I am even more tired and do not feel like I have a partner. My husband is also one of those that his world revolves around his games. He has to have it going and cannot put it down to have a conversation with the children or I. This leads to feeling unimportant and disconnected as a couple.
All of this leads to feeling burned out by trying to have a good marriage and wondering if my spouse will ever wake up and realize what he is taking for granted. Can my marriage be better? I fully believe so, but it takes both of us to be committed to it for that to happen. So while I have no profound words of wisdom to share this week, I did have my own personal eye openers. I would encourage you to pick up a copy of Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.
An Eternal Marriage 