This weeks chapters from Gottman are 8: The Two Kinds of Marital Conflict and 9: Solve Your Solvable Problems. There is two kind of problems; solvable and perpetual. I do think perpetual can turn into solvable if we allow our spouse to influence us like we learned last week. Solvable means you can find a solution to the problem. Perpetual means you will keep fighting over the same issue, sometimes for years.
A perpetual fight that my husband and I have is about cleaning (how often does that happen between spouses?). My husband does not like to clean and can walk right by a mess and it not bother him whatsoever. I work as a cleaner so obviously my job is to clean so I do not want to come home to a big mess. I am also allergic to his dog so having fur around the house irritates my allergies so having our home clean is also a health reason. We both work which is even more reason I need him to be a partner in cleaning our home. I have tried soft startups and harsh; neither have worked. My husband just does not see it as a priority to have a clean home. It has gotten to the point that I just do not say anything to him about it because it has become a waste of my breath to do so. At the end of the day I feel unappreciated and taken advantage of. It is also hard to feel loving when I do not have a partner and it feels more like I have another child in the home.
This is where letting your spouse influence you comes in and turn this into a solvable problem. Right now I am not sure how to turn this into a solvable problem as I am out of ideas. I have tried finding a common ground and finding a compromise that we are both happy with. So where does this leave us?
An Eternal Marriage 