First I would like to say that I am extremely enjoying the book Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman. He gives a lot of insight and backs up what he says with studies. In chapter 7: Let Your Partner Influence You, Gottman shared an eye-opening statistic of a study involving 130 newlywed couples. When a man is not willing to share power with his partner there is an 81% chance that his marriage will self-destruct. 81% chance! That is extremely high! How can we be influenced by our spouse? We can listen to them and come to a mutual agreement about decisions. A story that Gottman shared was about a husband who was buying a car from a friend. The car only had 300 miles on it and would come with a warranty. The husband had promised his wife he would have it checked out by a mechanic before purchasing. The friend found this ridiculous, but when the car was checked out they found that it would need an expensive repair; the husband did not buy the car. If the husband had not listened to his wife about getting it checked out despite coming from a friend and only 300 miles then he would have bought a lemon.
Recently my husband and I had a disagreement over a trip to Disneyland. He had won a couple of tickets to go and at the time is looked like we would get a decent tax return. He wanted to use it to go, I said we should use it to pay debt. As soon as I disagreed with him he became ugly with me with his words and said a lot of hurtful things. I did not feel respected or like a partner; my opinion did not matter to him. After adding more information in we saw that we actually owe money to the IRS and he feels like it is a moot point and that no apology is needed. This does not change how he treated me or how he made me feel; my husband was unwilling to be influenced by me and consider my opinion. My husband is the type who does not think he should have to apologize even if he has hurt me. My husband does not let me influence him or respectively listen to my opinion and look at what happens; our marriage is not the best and needs help.
Couples need to respectively listen to each other and find a common ground. Your spouse should be your partner in major decision making like in Gottman’s story with the couple and the car. I would encourage you to pick up Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman.
An Eternal Marriage 