In our reading this week we read Fidelity in Marriage by Kenneth W. Matheson I found that I relate to the couple referenced quite a bit, but here is my version of it.
My husband has a hard time with appropriate boundaries with other women. He has canceled dates with me a few times so that he could help female friends. He will also spend quite a bit of time talking to a female co-worker that he is attracted to and will do what he can to make her happy. My husband has also added her on Facebook despite knowing that I am uncomfortable with it. When we went to his work Christmas party he intentionally sat between us and kept me from really meeting her. While things may seem innocent it is considered emotional fidelity. “Emotional infidelity, which occurs when emotions and thoughts are focused on someone other than a spouse, is an insidious threat that can weaken the trust between a couple and shatter peace of mind.”
A few months ago my husband accidentally left an email open and I ended up seeing a message that had a barely dressed woman. I found that he was getting a daily email with these type of women. I know it is not spam as he would read and then delete them. “But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath already committed adultery with her already in his heart.” Matthew 5:27-28. My husband does not know yet that I know about this. I will say that I have seen a change in him and it is not good. He is much angrier, spends more time on his video games, turns away from spiritual things (calls blessings just luck), and just is not happy person.
These instances have hurt our marriage as he pulls further away, it also hurts the trust that I have for him. This has also hurt me on an emotional level. I obviously look nothing like those women and I cannot (nor should I have to) compete with video games. It is hard to see this as a problem he has and not as a refelction of me and that I am not good enough. As a result of how things are in my marriage I have been turning even more towards my Heavenly Father as I know only through his influence can things change in my marriage.
Here are some questions to help you determine if you may have started having an emotional affair:
1. Are you turning to your friend for comfort rather than turning to your spouse?
2. Do you find yourself thinking about your friend even when you are at home?
3. Do you seek opportunities to be with your coworker even when work does not require you to be together?
4. Do you email or text when not together?
5. Have you told your spouse about these messages?
6. Does the relationship with your friend/coworker take more of your time and energy than your relationship with your spouse?
7. Do you compare your spouse to them?
8. Would you be comfortable introducing your spouse to them?
If you would like to read the article referenced?https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2009/09/fidelity-in-marriage-its-more-than-you-think?lang=eng
An Eternal Marriage 